“Never let a gracious thought pass”
Jerel Bryant, one of the best leaders I’ve ever worked for, shared a mantra with us that totally changed my take.
“Never let a gracious thought pass.”
Our team of 100+ heard this from him regularly in our daily stand up. It became woven into our work. We 100+ were doing very hard work. The per-hour compensation was frightfully low, if you took the time to calculate it (no one did - there wasn’t time). Yet, that work felt more joyful, shared, and affirming than any I’ve ever done.
I love using what Jerel said as a default rule that flips a faulty presumption.
We carry forward, maybe from childhood, with stern parents or strict coaches or exacting teachers, the idea that you can spoil someone with too much positive feedback. We see affirmation as sugary dessert instead of complex protein.
This is also, for many, a socially awkward thing to do. We feel bashful about it.
So we withhold positive feedback. We meter it and filter it and let it grow stale. This is a mistake.
Instead of withholding, offer freely, generously. Use “never let a gracious thought pass” as your default rule. It sets a clear, high, and simple standard. Instead of needing an exceptionally good reason to appreciate your people, you need an exceptionally good reason not to.
You don’t need to run a complicated nuanced analysis of when, where, and how to deliver this appreciation. When it occurs to you, you offer it. Text message, one-line email, fist bump, public shout out - the means of delivery matters less, much less, than the fact of delivery.
Doing this has multiple positive effects.
You broadcast recipes for success. When you offer gracious thoughts in any “public” forum (Slack thread, stand up meeting, group email), you’re praising the person who did well AND telling everyone else “this is how you can do well, too.” They now have clear guidance.
You’re modeling it for your people. They’ll share gracious thoughts, too. This choice, scaled, yields a workplace that feels good to be in. It becomes the kind of place where people take good risks - risks to make something better for the good purpose you’re all there to accomplish together in the first place.
You build confidence in your people. It’s so rare to work at a place where you can count on being seen.
You store up shared strength for struggles. Moments of crisis, challenging conversations, sharp differences of opinion on critical issues - these are moments when you want to be able to solve problems with your people with minimal friction and with maximal candor. Everyone’s less likely to question motives, play politics, or slip into defensive postures if there’s a shared belief, backed up with lots of evidence, that the leader sees you and appreciates you.
*If you’re saying, “but what about the other kinds of feedback? Isn’t it a problem if people are just getting ‘atta boys’ all the time?”
Yes, that is a problem. Never let performance-improving thoughts pass either.
