mistakes to avoid in a stakesy meeting with a higher status person

If you’re taking Cate Hall’s wise counsel and being more agentic, you might land a meeting with someone whose help / support / resources you want. They’re a donor or connector or prospective boss. Or maybe they’re a senior peer - someone similarly situated but further down the road you’re walking. They’ve already published a book or exited their first company or nabbed a grant for some important research. You’re younger or newer or less known.

I have often made foolish mistakes in these meetings. I want to help you avoid two of those that are especially common for the typical Leaflet reader (an earnest, principled, good-hearted person aka not a jerk).

The first one I call the “nice young man” mistake.

In the meeting, you don’t establish your bona fides. You have some kind of credential or qualification or accomplishment that would help this person situate you and take you seriously. But you leave it out, usually for fear of sounding pompous. It’s as if you submitted your resume but erased the best bullet points on it. 

When you make this mistake, the other person can come away thinking “well, that was a nice young [man]. On to the next thing in my day!” instead of thinking “this is someone I’m excited to support/sponsor.”

The second is the “no pitch” mistake.

This person is probably busy. Even if their calendar is loose, their mind and heart have plenty to occupy them. If they’re meeting with you in the first place, they want to be helpful. Make it clear and easy for them to do that. Ask for something that you want.

Here’s a list of things you might ask for:

• More of their time (make this easy: offer to calendar it, make it specific)

• Money

• Introductions

• Things you should read / listen to

• Feedback on a work product of yours

• A chance to shadow them for a meeting or a day

Asking for something and not getting it now, this time, doesn’t mean you failed. It doesn’t mean you’ve made a bad impression. It doesn’t mean you look grabby or grifty.

Pick up the tab, thank them with confidence, write a follow-up thank you note (longhand if possible).

-eric