getting it in, part 2: parents
I’ve seen some readers of this newsletter unlock “getting it in” when they become parents. Raising a child means so very often the crystalline crème brûlée of your preferred ritual is now spilt milk on the floor - the substance of the thing is there, but the structure is a mess. Your tools are bent (or lost in the bardo of dust bunnies beneath the couch). Your environment is loud and variable and smeared with the leavings of Kirkland fruit n veggie pouches.
Yet.
These parents do their thing - teach or write or lobby or lead. They get it in. The volatility a toddler radiates through their days forces an essentialism about their work. They slough off a preciousness about context and kick ass at their thing in scarcer minutes and sloppier circumstances. They don’t waste time; there’s no time to waste.
A lesson I’ve drawn from watching these working parents get it in has a few pieces:
“Willpower” maybe isn’t the thing at all. It’s not the place to focus my energy and honor/shame. These same working parents are often real real tired. They may have lower reserves of willpower and working memory than ever - possibly, all of the daily supply has been spoken for by 10AM. Yet. They’re getting it in.
Mindset and identity might instead be the things - the place to focus energy and pride. These same parents seem to channel Murakami’s simple outlook: “This is a thing I am here to do (in this life). So I do it.” Distilled even further: “I am a [writer/runner/teacher]. So I [write/run/plan lessons].”
Oh and also: the kids are melting down, the road is icy, the acid of gas station coffee is eating through your empty stomach. You’re gonna be late and your boss will be quietly pissed in a way you can’t fix. When your partner turns to you, bidding for your attention, do you look at them with kindness and use gentler words than necessary?
This, too, is getting it in.
-eric
